Wow, It's Been A Month Already

I can't believe it's been a month since my Dad died. Maybe that's why I had that spontaneous good cry about him yesterday. It was a pretty good one indeed - required TWO tissues!

I've been missing my father so much, but then I was missing him when he was still alive. I so hated to see him like that. What made it even worse was that he'd got it into his head that I'd stolen a pile of money from him. He told my mother he had proof, but he never told her what the proof was. He never accused me to my face, but it explained why he'd been so rude to me on a number of occasions over the last 8 months or so. I had just put it down to the Alzheimers.

EDIT:   I should explain the "TWO tissues" crack.  I have Bipolar II disorder and take a shitload of medication for it.  Of course a lot of that medication is to stabilize my moods and/or to keep me from getting depressed.   The down side to that is that I don't react fully or what I (and many other people) would consider normally to many things.   I don't think I cried noticeably at either parent's funeral.   There were many times when I felt like it, but the tears did not come.  On the other hand, it helped me to not cry in front of anybody - an immature little problem I have, the intense dislike of letting anybody see me cry.  I shouldn't give a shit.   I'm sure I was judged, especially at my father's funeral.  But I don't give a shit about that, either.  My own brother never even looked at me, let alone acknowledged me the whole time from when I first arrived (late) at the funeral parlour, which was almost on the other side of town.  Of course he, who lived 10 minutes away from he and practically had to pass by our street to get there, never offered my son and I a lift.  Piss on him.   But I digress.

The reason "two tissues" was a significant amount was because it meant that not only was I actually able to shed A tear, I was able to cry so much that I needed to use two tissues.  This has rarely happened since I got "stabilized" on the bipolar meds, except for the occasional period of unrelenting stress or major seasonal changes that can trigger chemical changes in my brain. 

Ha!  This "edit" has turned out to be about three times the original post.  Oh well. 
D.